Philadelphia is My Home

27
Jun

“Ratatouille”, My You Know What!

Author: Momish, Category: Just Ranting, Randomness, Resources

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Here is one of the things I really hate about living in the city….RATS!

There ain’t nothing cute rats. They can make all the movies they want about friendly and adorable pretend rats with quaint accents cooking French cuisine.  Heck, you may even find me laughing and rooting for the little bugger, because  it isn’t real.  But, the real ones? Like the one I saw last night IN MY HOUSE? Sorry, but upon seeing one of those little disease ridden rodents scurrying across my bathroom, the only thing I am doing is freaking out. And I mean freaking out as in a whole other level of freaking out, my friends.  As in adapting a new mantra in life that goes along the lines of, “KILL! KILL! KILL!”

So, after screaming and jumping up and down like a lunitic hopping across a live minefield, I lied awake in bed, completely paranoid and beside myself with anxiety. Sleep was not an option. I was on full alert. I immediately jumped into combat mode.  KILL! KILL! KILL!

First things first, I got the cat. Although obviously useless, his presence at the foot of my bed made a significant difference none-the-less. Second, I began a mental check list of all the stuff I need to do to make sure that disgusting thing doesn’t come near me or my family, even by proxy. By four in the morning I had my strategy all planned out and was ready for full on war.  KILL! KILL! KILL!

City rats are not to be taken lightly. They transmit diseases through their droppings, urine and fleas. These disease are especially harmful to children under five. My daughter is two, TWO, so you see where I’m coming from here? How many ways are there to say PANIC?

Needless to say, at 9:01 I was on the phone with Philadelphia Rat Control and had already researched rats to the point where I can now teach a class on this stuff. Here is the plan I have devised. I am posting it here, just in case you should ever find a rat running in your house at midnight, in the middle of an already hectic weak when you are pretty much a neurotic mess of a human being to begin with:

• Call Philadelphia Rat Control (they are no help beyond “we’ll check out the area”)
• Sanitize everything! Every floor space, counter space and table space. BLEACH!
• Put all open dry foods in plastic bags or bins
• Empty the lazy cat’s food bowl at night
• Clean all the apples and cherries that have fallen in your 2X4 cement yard
• Get hubby to seal all holes around the 100 year old house and decrepid basement
• Tightly seal up all trash and bins, inside and out (think superglue)
• Close all toilet lids (spray Windex on lid before closing)
• Put out a million traps in places cat and kid can’t reach (Note: Poison is not recommended around children and pets, plus it can end up in a desperate search for a decaying rat that hid itself real good while it was dying. I am not sure what is worse, a live rat or a decaying rat you can’t find or get to!)
• Wipe dry all sinks, tub and showers after using in order to remove all water sources (needless to say, repair leaks)
• And finally, take a Valium before you drop dead of a heart attack. You want to be around to see that sucker go down, after all. DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!